This post comes with a kind of warning. It’s a LONG one, so make a brew and maybe bring some snacks!
What I share here is from a deeply personal soul place, these words are my way of flowing through from a place of heart breaking silence of sorts about my life so far as an awakening Master, medicine woman, healer, and reflection of all that is.
Last night, as I went to bed, I was feeling terrible. My stomach hurt, it was swollen and complaining. It’s not the first time either. My body aches, She is tired and lacking in vibrancy. My eyesight is blurred, from too many hours looking at screens no doubt! I’ve noticed a marked change over the last couple of years or so from having perfect 20:20 vision to needing glasses for reading and writing and so on.
I felt sadness at how my physical body is faring right now, a slow deterioration despite my sometimes hit and miss efforts to support Her with healthy foods and supplements, exercise and pure water, fresh air and good company. These aches and pains have come to such a level now that I truly must, need and HAVE to address my life. What I have come to see needs to be done isn’t just about what I put into my body as food though, that is only ONE level of health that I’m finally seeing revealed. I’m still discovering what works for this body of mine food wise!
As I woke this morning, feeling less than great, feeling sore and depleted, I had a bit of an AHA moment. Almost like a fog had cleared and I could really see what living a healthy life needs for me to HAVE that health. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m still looking at what this is, literally as I sit here typing this all out, yet, I can say that I’ve been making excuses for far too long and hiding in the shadows of what I though was good for me for too long as well.
I know some of you who will be reading this know me personally and know me well, maybe you know me better than I know myself and will shout a big fat FINALLY SHE GETS IT at your screen as you read on – let me know if you do, please!!!
What this offering ISN’T is a post on diet, although that of course should play a major starring role in our lives if we are seeking to feel great in our skin, right? Well, it’s not ENTIRELY a post about diet, okay!
You see, I’ve been basically kidding myself for the past few years. Ever since I was introduced to the world of raw foods, cacao and healing. Yep, that’s right, I fess up, here and now…it’s the truth.
What I share with you here is that I have been struggling in such a huge way for years, going through so many ways of attempting to heal my body and my way of living and not ever quite getting it right. Now, there are of course a number of factors in this and mindset plays a huge part to all of it, in fact it’s possibly the biggest determining factor of all of them if I’m honest. I’m sure a lot of you will be nodding right now? Out there in the big world, we are presented with lies and distractions and seductions every single day, all of which are there to mess with our mindset, our heads and our hearts, as well as our stomachs, right!? Oh and let’s not forget how the big world is constructed to keep us living a small life too, a life where we struggle and have nothing to show for all our hard work, where we lurch from one breaking point to the next? Yes, I’m living THAT kind of life. What is changing? I’m DONE with it.
THIS was my AHAAAAA moment as I looked in the bathroom mirror this morning! I’ve chosen today to step up and really stop hiding, to stop living behind a facade of that perfect picture of a life where everything is okay and I’m doing great, and step out and share that I’m NOT okay and life hasn’t always been easy or perfect at all! So, today is kind of my truth day, or Birthday all over again (any excuse to have a celebration! ????????)
I’m taking an overview here of how I’ve made so much progress since I begin really walking this path, and indeed there has been SO MUCH that has changed for the better, in so many ways! I count my blessings each day for all the good that has come into this life, gratitude is my number one emotion ???????? Whilst I’ve turned round my health in many ways, I’m still struggling with some things like I’ve already shared here. Every part of my life design has been not only to heal my own little world, it ripples out to helping others too, and that is why I’m here sharing as I do, making steps daily to offer a shoulder, hands, arms, food, etc to others. However – I’m totally DEPLETED and that has to now be rectified in order that I may continue to be of service to others in the best way possible. So, what has come to shine the light here is WHY I’m so depleted when I’m doing exactly what I love, right? Let’s take a look at what doing what we love really means – please do go take a look at that for yourselves, let’s get some shifts happening, right here and now. Making a list of what that looks like for you.
I love taking long walks in the forest and in wild places, that really makes my soul happy, I could sit with the old ones every day and hear them speak with me their wisdom
I love making amazingly simple yet nourishing food, for us my family and others, and sharing time just hanging out and chatting about life.
I love chocolate (yeah, how weird)…cake, RAW cake of course! I’m actually a chocolate addict, and I’m ok with that ????
Most of all I love being with my beloved Anthony, our furry Moo, going off on our adventures to Sacred Sites, having long lunches, picnics and so on generally just being at one in our bodies.
That is an overview of my loves, broadly speaking, of course within each one is many other layers of loves ????
The general vibration of my entire life is to share love, in Many forms, and help others access what it is THEY love.
When I take a long hard look at what I’ve done over the last say 8 years, I can see that I’ve committed a lot of my heart and soul into learning, sharing, and so on, always following my heart song, never anything less. I’ve created a lot of passion around the projects I’ve started (key word), guided in the directions where I’ve felt I’d like to explore what that looks like.
Chocolate, for example, has been a current in my life since the start of my healing, in fact, as many of you know, I feel cacao has saved me in so many ways. This is why I create it in the way I do, as it is meant to be, a Sacred Offering to our soul, our physical vessel, to support and nourish us, and at times, to just be a plain naughty indulgent treat! Yet, super early on in the journey I found that going down the commercial route with cacao was not for me. It took me out of the wild places, out of the flow of intuitive creativity, and left me feeling stuck in the kitchen 24/7, so I pulled out of going that way and kept it small, like it is now, and for me this is much more my authentic message.
This has spilled over into pretty much my entire health journey. I’ve followed my truth every step of the way, stayed away from pushing into the light where I’m seen by the many, keeping small, and really going in DEEP on my own awakening. Even though I’ve opened (and closed) my own raw cafe, and had incredibly successful stalls all over the UK at Vegan Fairs and other events, none of this has returned to me the benefits of true health that I had initially thought it would. In fact, it was all a darn hard slog, hours and hours of physically intensity, that whilst there were many many meetings with amazing souls, sharing their truth and lasting relationships to come from this experience, I was unable to sustain that flow for long enough to really benefit from sustainable health (and the same as with the cacao, I was in the kitchen for MANY hours) looking at what makes my heart and soul truly sing is being OUTDOORS, breathing the truth of all that is. So this was my awakening. Picture a little girl having a little tantrum, shouting I wanna play OUT ????
So, many mixed messages have come through from me over the years as I’ve sought to really find my way to healthy ways of living in this world, in this amazing body I have chosen to live in (please do share if this is hitting you in any way) and, whilst I’m never going to stop making chocolate, panic over dear friends! And I’m never going to stop feeding people as I love that so much, I’m always going to be here, creating Sacred Soul Space for others to enter their own new way of being in this world, I am now choosing to stop sharing mixed messages, not only with the wider community but with MY soul self too. I set off and stepped up to My Big Vision this year at long last, after holding the pain of it for over 20 years (fuck that is a long time) and I have accepted that to make it happen I have to come right out of that cozy comfort zone of being completely depleted – not only in my physical body, which recovers pretty fast when given the right tools, but in another’s MASSIVE area of my life, my bank account!
You see, yep, I’m sure you DO, that there is an area of health that is often not spoken of for many reasons and that is money. Health and Wealth are a marriage, A partnership, and each element should be nurtured together for the whole to be at optimum balance. If one side isn’t looked after then the two eventually split up or live a life of misery, or settling for less and so on, does that make sense? This is where my life has unravelled despite me doing what I’ve loved and keeping going on that path of truth so far. THINKING that if only I keep trying, things will get easier, my bank account will be healthy, I don’t need much to be happy and so on. Anthony and I DO have a lovely life with each other, we live quite simply because we like that kind of thing, we love our little odd, cute, bohemian lifestyle HARD, yet, he isn’t here to enjoy it with me because he’s out working full time JUST to pay the rent (like so many of us are) so, whilst we have a lovely life, it is still one where we have been settling for less than optimum health/wealth balance. This is pretty much my one BIG WHY for me to stop procrastinating and playing small, so that I can bring my beloved HOME from full time work so we get to go play out more together as well as diving into what we as individuals LOVE to explore. I’m starting here, at HOME in the hEARTH and believe me that shit is gonna ripple out big time and help so many others reach their goals too! I’m raising my sights to finally focusing on the BIG Mission of creating a Healing Retreat Centre that will come from my starting at home to address the depletion right here. (More about the retreat in another post).
By addressing the balance of health/wealth relationship it results in our being able to give our entire life an overhaul. It needs us to take an honest look at ourselves and stop seeing ourselves as less of a priority than others. I always support others who give so much of themselves to their family or work or lovers at the detriment of their own health and happiness, to the point we get SICK and TIRED, yet so much of that time we STILL won’t take that care to make a change, making excuse after excuse, falling sicker and sicker until, shock horror our wonderful body vessel SCREAMS at us to pay heed! And yeah, still we ignore Her/Him. WHY???? Is it that much easier for us to remain in pain and sickness or so exhausted we can’t function as we should…really???!!!! Ok, rant over, I hear the voice so very clearly and I accept that change is needed, and so it is. DO YOU hear your voice too?
In accepting of change I am focussed. Foussed on The One Thing that will bring harmony, and that is to work smarter not harder, still from my heart and soul, yet in a completely different way. A way that will build a healthy balance to our ‘relationship’ no more chasing rainbows so to speak
I’m addressing my life, from what I choose to eat – cleaning that right up again and bringing balance where there has been chaos, from jumping from one way of eating to another and not finding what is working! Eating nourishing, fresh, fruits and vegetables and adding in supportive elements and supplements that satiate and heal on a cellular level without the need to go on a Transformation Cleanse or Juice Fast which are in the long run only temporary distractions – let’s be real about that – in my experience such measures lead to rebounding once they are over with and we all know that results in a dip in health AGAIN, both physical and in our pockets! In simple terms, I’ve given myself the permission to stop searching as I know it all makes sense to just eat Simple whole foods, like our Mediterranean brothers and sisters have for centuries! **watch out for some recipe ideas soon!
I also choose to relax how much cacao I eat in a week, reducing it in some ways, so that it becomes that medicine it truly is rather than, yes, another distraction. As I have chosen to reduce how much I am making to offer others, simplifying again so that I have more time to play out, in the forest, with YOU lot (and I currently only have a TINY space in which to create all the much loved cacao medicines and wish to bring out the new wild herb blend which is imminently launching) My body needs to take a rest from the huge quantities I’ve been ingesting. Yeah, you can have too much of a good thing folks! Fear not though, I’m still here offering Ceremony at all the times it is requested!
Returning back to the Health/Wealth balance – my bank account has been terminal for a LONG time…on life support in a matter of fact, hence why despite my efforts my own physical health has suffered so much! I simply haven’t had the money to buy the foods or do the things my body NEEDS to feel well. I had pretty much nailed a Do Not Ressucitate note on it!! FFS WHY do we do this shit?? So, what have I done about it that I shall changing my Wealth side of this beautiful marriage? I’m embracing all I have learned over the last few years in the health community and bringing it all into action, at long last, having found a company that I feel incredibly aligned with, from their mission to help others, to how they do business, focussed on CHANGEing the paradigm.
What company have I aligned with? Well, I’ve kinda gone full circle back, back, back to where I was in a very happy place many years ago, right at the start of my own awakening (even before I knew that’s what it was), it is of course, PLANTS, essential oils to be specific, for I’ve worked with oils for over 30 years! After many moons looking, testing, watching the market, hearing other people share their experiences, and then being introduced to this company and their oils first hand in an emergency situation, I have aligned with the most ethical and supportive DōTERRA and will be sharing much more about this very soon. (Post edited in November 2018)
WHY DōTERRA? I’ll be posting fully on this, so please come back soon.
Changing OUR own story is where the magic happens – when we stop telling ourselves that this is our life and just accepting it, warts an all, sickness and pain, being broke and so on, this will continue to be our reality.
I am finally in my complete happy place, on the way to bringing my man home so we can go play out with the Dryads, the faeries and the Old Ones when we so choose to, on my way to bring in a sustainable and healthy balance where I’m able to truly be of benefit to others on their healing journey to health and wealth balance, however that looks for them, and in a place where I can give away far more that I ever have before – THAT makes me incredible happy.
If any of what I have shared with you today has resonated with you, I am so loving to hear YOUR story, in all its glorious colour, bear witness to what makes your heart and soul sing, and to take a LOOK at what it is you would like to action in order to CHANGE your paradigm. Drop me an EMAIL: firstname.lastname@example.org
Breathe The Change
WE Are The Ones We Have Been Looking For
With all my love